we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
