I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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