I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
