I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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