it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
