I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Apparently you make a good broom.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
whose parrot is this?
They have beer where we have blood.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
