Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize