just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
