Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
