I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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