Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
