she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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