she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
birth control should be required to get into college
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
two words...techno handjob
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
