she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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