if you like me you must not know who I am
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
