batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
