dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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