If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
