He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
