This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
