At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize