I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
this just has baby written all over it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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