Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
