Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize