No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
