i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
