I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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