If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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