In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
