Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
