i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm both gender and math confused
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
