i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
