I wanna passion pit in your ass
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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