Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
