was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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