You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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