I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
