I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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