I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
