Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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