We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
