all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
