I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
