I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
