so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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