so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
