So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
