so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
