so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
