are you so shy because you have an std?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
