Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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