Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
