Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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