I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
