I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
