u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
