We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
dude. I can hear the air.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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