I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
