i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
