You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
