So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
