I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Drunk is not a location!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
