No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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