She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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