You're a womanizer and a bitch.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I need a beard to bite.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
