As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize