This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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