Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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