I wish you could order shots online.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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